Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Everyone know that they're bound to get into at least one fight in their lifetime, so it's best to be prepared. Many people get nervous if they are going to get into a fight, but don't worry jCremes Facts on Life is here.

Lucky for you, there is a simple way to win every fight your in and not look like a cheater or a pansy. First things first, you need to pick up some pepper spray from your local firearms dealer or anywhere else you can find it (make sure you check your state laws on pepper spray before you use it). Familiarize yourself with how your can of pepper spray works and learn how to use it quickly. You may want to buy several cans so you can practice. After your good with your pepper spray, your ready to fight.

Make sure that when the fight goes down, it is either dark or there is not a crowd around. Most-likely, any unplanned fights will not have a crowd so your good with that aspect. When the fight starts, don't focus on hitting your opponent, just try to avoid any of their attacks. The main thing you want to try to do is get the fight on the ground. Let your opponent take you down or take down your opponent. When your on the ground, pull out your pepper spray and spray your opponent in the eyes. In the momentary stun, wail out on your opponent and try to knock them out or incapacitate them. If your by yourself, get away or if your in a group, collect your High-5's.

Monday, September 21, 2009


Today's topic of interest is the disgusting facial and bodily flaw known to all of us as a mole. Before I start however, I would like to let you all know I'm now starting audio podcasts about how to improve your life as well as these blogs. Check out the site, jC F.O.L.

Back to moles, if you happen to come across someone with a mole there's a few things you can do. First, you need to be polite and nonchalantly let the person know that their mole bugs you. Say something like, "Ew my bread I was about to eat this morning was moleeeeee-dy" Make sure that it is obviously different than how you would normally say moldy. If that doesn't work you'll have to make it more obvious and mean. Saying something like "Wanna play some whack-a-mole in a little bit?" Always works like a charm. If that doesn't work then your just going to have to flat out tell them "Your mole is HUUUUGGGGEEEEE!" Then hope for the best.

After you acknowledge that they have a mole, and have told them that, you need to tell them to remove it. Once again, start out nonchalantly with something like, "Yeah I hear so&so's a real good dermatologist. It'd be nice if some people around here would check them out." If that doesn't work this person probably won't be able to tell on any other phrase you throw out there. You just have to go with telling them to go to get their mole removed. This way you can respect them, instead of just staring at their mole all day.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Balla Apparal

The next way to improve your life and become a balla like me (though not as much) is to get yourself a couple different accessories. But remember, if your a tool do not get these because there is no chance your going to be a baller so dont even try and ruin the look for everyone. If you're not a tool, of course, you can get this stuff because you obviousl wanna be a balla.

The first thing you need to get is a pair of Ray-Bans. Specifically Wayfarers but aviators are kewl too. Dont be stupid and buy the clear lense Ray-Bans because those are the most idiotic looking glasses in the history of glasses. BUT, if your a tool and you're still reading this go ahead and get some because no ballas will ever get those. Maybe some mexicans would though.

The next thing you need to get is a flatbill hat. First things first, dont wear it forward. Either wear it backwards or buy a hat with a curved bill. Your going to be a balla I didnt say your going to be black. But other than that there's no specifics on the hat type. Be aware that no matter what, some tools are going to be wearing these but they'll probaly wear them forward so your good.

Finally, dont wear Axe because Axe sucks. Mexicans and tools wear Axe.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


You never know what your going to run into in life. Whether you run into a truck, a pole, or a bear trap, you can never be prepared. There is however, one way to be prepared and avoid nearly every occurance that will ever happen to you in your entire life. This is a very simple, yet effective way to rid your life of all accidents.
This technique, my friends, is to rid of all mexicans in your life. Mexicans are the cause of all our troubles. From taking our jobs to talking spanish, Mexicans are the reason our lives have troubles. Without those darn mexicans, you'll watch your life get much, much better. So just give it a try today and kick a mexican out of your life.

J Cremes